I had the privilege of speaking at my Father's memorial service yesterday. The following is what I wrote out just in case I was too emotional to say it. It didn't come out quite like this, but it was pretty close.
My Father had many great qualities. I narrowed them down to six which just happen to start with the letters of our last name: EFTING
E
Example - When my
Mom first passed away my family and I wanted to include my Dad in as many of
our activities as possible, and he was almost always willing to come. I would call him and ask “Do you want to go
with us to . . .” and he often answered “yes” before I named the place. However there were a few times that he came
with us that he didn’t always see us in the best light. I remember one time at Sea World two of our
kids were arguing – apparently something wasn’t “fair.” My Dad took my daughter and walked alone with
her. I’m not quite sure what they talked
about but he calmed her down and it began a relationship that has grown very
strong over the past nine years. One time
I asked my Dad when he sees my family being “less than perfect” does he ever
feel like he needs to jump in and tell us how we should do things, or does he
feel like he needs to bite his tongue and not interfere. My Dad answered neither of the two. He said it is very freeing being the
grandfather, and despite the times when he sees the negatives he thinks his
grandkids (all his grandkids) have wonderful parents and don’t need any
unsolicited advice. In fact that is one
of the things that he told me over the past week of his life. How proud he was of his family. His kids, and his grandkids, and what great
people they are. My thought was I
wondered if I could have that same attitude when my kids give me
grandchildren. I have always thought of
my Dad as a role model - Looks like he has set a model for me to follow as a
grandfather as well.
F
Funny - my wife’s parents call them “Efting Jokes” or
“that Efting sense of humor” and I have always wondered what they mean. I have always thought “They are just jokes,
or a great sense of humor.” We often twist things that have double meanings to
the other point of view, and it’s funny – it’s always funny. During my Dad’s
last week I would say something funny to my Dad and he would laugh . . . and
then he would cough. Then I would say "I
shouldn’t make you laugh," but then he would say something funny five minutes
later. At one point he made a joke after
a nurse’s comment and I complained “I was going to say that!” of all the things
I inherited from my Dad I am glad I got his sense of humor. I think I will have to continue telling
“Efting jokes” the rest of my life in honor of my Father.
Task oriented -
When I got my Dad home on the hospice program he didn’t just lay in bed. He was giving instructions. When my Mother-in-Law wanted to make some of
his instant coffee he explained why the water had to be dumped out and new
water poured in. You see boiling burns
off the oxygen, and oxygen helps gives the water its flavor. So you don’t want
to burn off more oxygen than you have to.
He would tell my Father-in-Law (Tom) and me where things were in the
house (with great detail) so that we could help get things done. At one point he told us how to use his ladder
that has about 27 different configurations so that we could switch the
direction of his ceiling fan. His fan
was actually making the room warmer. He
had a remote control, but nothing on the remote would change that. We got the ladder working. Tom climbed up the ladder and found the
switch. Then my Dad said that we should
write directions of how to change the direction of the fan on the back of the
remote control.
At another point my Dad told me where he kept all of his old
oxygen tanks and had me call the company to pick them up. Then he said, “Good, that’s another thing to
cross off of my list.”
Immaculate – When
my mom passed away I wondered if the house would stay as neat as my Mom had
kept it. It DID! And when I got home with my Dad on hospice I
figured out why. I put my stuff down in
his room – just anywhere. The hospice
team put stuff all over the place. He
wasn’t happy with how the room looked.
He had me move stuff around, and put supplies in the closet. He was so obsessed about the room being neat
that after he passed, and they took all the stuff away I moved everything back, and
put things away so it looked as nice as before.
N
Nice – The first
night my Dad came home from the hospital Tom stayed with me at my Dad’s
house. My Dad slept most of the night,
but he woke up around 2:30. We were talking to him for about 30 minutes. During that time I can’t tell you how many
times he said “Thank you” I don’t even remember what we helped him with at that
time, but he kept saying “thank you.” But that was what he was like - always nice to people, always pleasant.
Of
course with my Mom he was more than just nice.
He filled up her car with gas every time she was low so she didn’t have
to pump it herself. I spent 2 nights with
my Dad in hospice, and I felt that had plenty of drama. He took care of my bedridden Mom for 9 months!
The night before my Dad died my family was about to leave, but I grabbed
my wife Kim and nine-year-old daughter Erica.
I told them he was waking up if they wanted to say something to
him. So Erica came in and explained that
she couldn’t come the next day but she wanted to say goodbye. My Dad took his granddaughter’s hand between
his hands and said “You’re a very sweet little girl.” That was the last significant thing my Dad
said.
Godly - My Dad went to church with his family
every Sunday. It was never a question we
just always went. When my brothers and I were growing up we would see my Dad every
morning sitting at the end of the couch with a Bible and a notebook reading and
praying. Because he was consistently
taking in God’s word, God worked through him.
He lived his life in service to God by serving others. Youth and adults were encouraged by him while
he was a pastor. Students, teachers and office staff were influenced by him
while he was a principal. Friends and
family were blessed by his life. If I
needed advice I could always count on my Dad to give me great advice from a
biblical perspective. Over the last week
of his life he was still sharing Bible verses with us.
The day before he
died the hospice social worker had come in to talk to him. She asked “Are you prepared to die?” My Dad replied “Well there is really no way
to prepare, except to accept Jesus Christ as your savior before you die,
because afterwards it will be too late.”
Again I see my Dad as an excellent role model - sharing the good news of
the gospel one last time.
I am so thankful that I have had this godly man as my
father. I am sure that early Friday
morning on the 13th of July he heard the words “Well done, good and
faithful servant!” 
